Sigh.

I'm in a defeatist mood right now. Seems like no matter what I do, I can't get ahead, not that I even know why I bother trying.

I thought I worked from 3:30 to close all week, but I close tonight at 12AM, and then come back to work at 11:30AM. That's not so bad in real life, but it takes me 3 to 4 hours to wind down from my shifts, so I'll be heading to bed at 3 or 4, and getting up by 10 to be ready and at work for 11:30. Should be interesting.

Meh.

You know that mood you get? The one where you question everything that you do in life, and why you do it?

Take work for example. Why do we work? I mean, in the traditional sense we're putting in time and and effort so that we get a small paycheck for a company that makes millions so the precious few on the top get rich. That's capitalism I suppose.

I've always been a communist at heart. I believe that we should share everything equally and all put in the equal amount of work. I'd even settle for hundreds of years ago when pretty much everyone farmed, and that was the way of life - creating all of your own food and selling or trading the extra's for products that you cannot produce yourself. If you weren't able to make excess, you were screwed for clothing and sugar, but were able to survive to the next year by the labors of your own hands.

These days we're so co-mingled with everyone else we're dependent on corporations to work for to give us that bread and butter that we need. But why? Why aren't we privy to make more of the cream that the company makes so that we can actually enjoy, and share in, the fruits of our labors?

Maybe we're just being royally screwed. Speaking of which, why do we have that saying - royally screwed? Well, it makes sense to someone back in the dark ages when kings and queens ruled the land, and a portion (usually an incredulous amount) of everything that you made was given to the royal family to live off of. In sense these people only got partially screwed by the royalty since they did get to keep some of the things that they did work for. So where did they ever get fully royally screwed?

Who knows. Maybe they thought getting taxed was being royally screwed. I guess that makes us all royally, corporately, locally, and federally screwed.

It's all the price we pay to stay alive, living in a country where we're free to say what we want as long as it doesn't make someone sad, or heaven forbid hurt their feelings. But if we do, never fear, we've got lawyers to handle that. After all, every society has their members drudging the gene pool for to exploit others. We have free healthcare, paid for by our taxes and our occasional out of pocket costs. We have hundreds upon hundreds of ministers sworn to uphold our rights while taking bribes and looking after their best interests.

Is it all worth it? Is this really progress? Is the slaving, the safety and efficacy of this system all worth it? Is this really evolution at it's best, society ever becoming closer together and larger in population while we become more dependent on a system that progressively takes more of our time, money and vigor?

Sometimes I would just love to be hunting woolly mammoth's while having a saber toothed tiger do the same to me as we all fit together in the old food chain. I'd love to sleep in a cave and beat things over the head with a club while running away from fire. I'd love to live from day to day not being sure of anything.

No assurance of life. No assurance of death. Just fighting for life while cheating death.

At least I'd feel alive from day to day.

Rantingly yours from somewhere in a cave,

Matt